


Revelations

by glittergrenade



Category: Eminem (Musician), Nicki Minaj (Musician)
Genre: Alter Egos, Guns, Homophobia, M/M, Mentions of alcohol, Mentions of drugs, Murder, Weird, angry, bang my s#@& bang, correction- very offensive language, misogynistic language, offensive language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-04
Updated: 2015-10-04
Packaged: 2018-04-24 13:29:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4921375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glittergrenade/pseuds/glittergrenade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Roman Zolanski and Slim Shady meet up to share the biggest secret in Slim's life, the effect is really opposite.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Revelations

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry lol, I don't even know what to say about this.

Roman Zolanski was supposed to be meeting Slim Shady at the park that afternoon, but his mama wouldn't hear of it.

"What is it with that boy, Roman? Are you developing an obsession? Well, you better just spend some time with me today! Maybe that way you'll relax yourself!" Martha went on and on, but Roman zoned out and into his phone. He was texting Slim. Damn, Slim was one hot boy.

_You: I only just told mother, she's complaining._

_Slim: British bitches huh?_

_Slim: I mean no disrespect ofc_

_Slim: like sure we hit it from the start but she da one who send us to the fucking boarding school so we be homies for LIFE n kill everybody together hahaha_

_Slim: for real tho, least ur mama cares about you, better than some can say_

_You: ik, ik, american bitches be worse_

_Slim: Lmfao..._

_You: SHUT UP SLIM_

_Slim: Lol_

_You: DON'T YOU DARE DISS MY MOTHER, SLIM_

_Slim: OK ROMAN OK_

_You: DAMN STRAIGHT OKAY_

_Slim: see you tho right?_

_You: definitely…_

_You: arsehole._

_Slim: dayum boi, you so british_

_You: SHUT THE FUCK UP_

_Slim: see ya dawg_

Roman stuffed his phone into his pocket and stood up, brushing himself off angrily. He was wearing dark clothes, which he thought went well with his yellow hair. Hair the color of the hair of Slim Shady… well, almost. Slim was so fine, and Roman liked to imagine. "Goodbye, mother." He raised his voice over her talking, and walked out the door.

"Roman!" He heard her cry out from behind him, but Roman had better things to do right now than avoid dissing his own mother… after all, British women are way too elegant to get too furious! He took a cab to the park even though it wasn't horribly far away, just because he didn't feel like walking. But when he got there, sure enough, there was Slim, siting on a lone swing, staring at a gun in his hands.

Typical American.

Roman hopped out of the cab and ran up to his friend, snatching the gun right out of his hands. "What you doing with that?"

A look of mild surprise and confusion passed over Slim's face. "What you think I be doing, Roman, what you doing? Did you bring the vodka? I brought the crack, I got a packet in my pocket, we can dream ourselves billionaires tonight while really we ripping out our own lungs."

Roman held up the pistol expectantly.

"What, you know I's gangsta, man," Slim sighed.

"You expecting trouble, Slim?"

"Dawg, guys like me always be expecting trouble or we be _dead_."

"What we doing at this playground?"

" _Roman_." The way Slim said it was so irritating, Roman's teeth inadvertently chattered.

"What we fucking doing here?!"

"Don't be acting so suspicious, Roman."

Slim's calm behavior was driving Roman crazy. Slim was not even a calm person. "WHERE THE TROUBLE AT?!" Roman screamed.

And finally, Slim started shouting back a little. Thank God. "See, _this_ is why I never invite your black-and-yellow ass to no birthday parties!!"

"YOU HAVE BIRTHDAY PARTIES?!"

"FUCK YEAH! AND YOU AIN'T GOT NO INVITES!" Slim paused, rubbing his throat delicately. "You even know what day my birthday at?"

Roman scowled. "Maybe I would, _if you ever bothered inviting me._ "

"You wouldn't like it anyway." Slim murmured, frowning slightly into the distance.

Roman was offended. What was Slim doing, trying to pass this off as some act of generosity? Like honestly? Why was Roman even friends with this uglyass bag of dicks??!!!

Fuck that, let's be honest, he wasn't fucking ugly. Slim was the finest man Roman ever knew. Maybe _that_ was why Roman was friends with him. Or maybe it was just because they had been sent to the same shitty boarding school where everybody but them  
spoke Russian.

Slim spoke again. "Dawg, I called you here for a reason. Like an _actual_ reason. More than just hanging out."

"Yeah? Is apologizing part of that reason?" Roman frowned. Even sexy Slim Shady shouldn't be getting off without a scratch.

"What? Fuck no, dawg. This is important. This is something I can't be telling you over the phone."

"WHAT YOU SAYIN' AIN'T IMPORTANT, SLIM, WHAT YOU SAYIN?!!"

"Nutin, dawg, just that ain't the point. It ain't… it ain't the point. I… I need to confide in somebody, dawg. Can you be that somebody? Can I confide in you with a secret?" Slim's eyes were wide and pleading. He wasn't normally this subdued and serious, and while Roman was partially about to yell at him more about the no-apologizing thing, a thought struck him about what this could mean.

"Slim…" Roman's voice was soft now, and his heart thudded in his chest. "…Are you gay?"

"What?" Slim started at him in bewilderment. "What? Eww! Roman!"

 _Shit…_ Roman's heart sank down low, before rising up in a blaze of fury. "What you say? It cool, man! It cool to be attracted—"

"Shut up! No! That ain't what I was gonn' tell you man, I ain't no fag! _Please_ Roman." Slim made a grossed-out face.

"Homophobic asshole," Roman growled. Either Slim was terrified to admit that he was anything but a straightass fucknigga, or he really was just completely prejudiced and ignorant.

Slim bit his lip, and spluttered out a stream of the long-awaited revelation. "Dawg, I'm, I got, a secret identity! I mean this _is_ my… Roman, I'm a superhero! This might be wrong, but I had to tell somebody outside the job, I just had to tell somebody in my normal life — Roman, I'm _Rap Boy_!"

Roman was frowning the whole time Slim rambled on with eyes shining with tears. It wasn't that he was unsurprised, but he was definitely unimpressed. So Slim was a superhero? Roman would've been awed about a minute ago. Now he was just pissed. "So how come you a gangsta at the same time?"

"Uh…" Slim paused, a genuinely thoughtful expression on his face. "Don't blame me for an inconsistent lifestyle, I was in a mental hospital once with a bunch of Slim Shadys. I only became a superhero to make a difference because of all the shit I've been through... you know, with my parents and shit, I don't gotta talk to you about my whole tragic-ass origin story now, not till I track down my father and rip his heart out gorily. But what you think, Roman? Are you a fan of Rap Boy? Did you ever thought he could possibly be me? Did you think—"

"Fuck you, Shady, I couldn't care less." Roman turned around, walked onto the sidewalk, and away from the park. Goodbye, Slim Shady.

"Wait— what?" Slim hopped off the swing and started running after him. "I just told you my deepest darkest secret, Roman — WHERE THE FUCK YOU HEADED TO _WITH MY GUN_?!!!"

Roman didn't think. He whirled around, pointing the pistol at Slim, and slid the safety off in one smooth motion. The jerk could die here, right now, Roman could do it, kill him, the power was all his…

"I LOVED YOU!" Roman found himself shouting, his hand shaking as he placed his finger slowly onto the trigger. "I LOVED YOU AND YOU BROKE MY HEART!"

"Oh…" Slim raised his hands slowly into the air in the gesture of surrender. "…oh? Wait, you mean like that? Like _that_ that?" His eyes widened. "Oh… fuck, Roman. Fuck." He shook his head heavily a few times, his hands still raised above his head.

"AIN'T YOU SCARED?!" Roman yelled at him. Slim's bewildered look was so unsatisfying, Roman could scream! And he did. "YOU SHOULD BE VERY VERY SCARED RIGHT NOW, SLIM SHADY! BECAUSE YOU WAS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, BOI — AND YOU BROKE MY FUCKING HEART!!! I DON' LET NOBODY HURT ME THE WAY YOU JUST DID, SHADY — NOBODY!!!!!" He sniffled, his gunhand wavering a little. Slim still seemed almost in shock. Roman coughed, running his finger back and forth along the trigger. "You coulda just told me you din' love me, Slim. You didn't gotta say all that shit."

"I…" Slim trailed off. "Oh fuck, Roman… why you never told me you was feeling this way? You shoulda just told me." He slowly took a step towards Roman, his eyes firmly on Roman's eyes, his hands still raised.

Roman literally snarled. "Why that, nigga?! So you could platonically dump me right from the start?!"

"Platonically dump…? Of course not, dawg!" Slim took another careful step closer. "You my bruh! Sure, my violent angry impulsive bruh who ain't safe even to invite to no birthday parties full of homicidal tattoo monsters, but…"

Roman slightly readjusted his hold, but he was enthralled again. What was Slim saying, in his own roundabout way? Could it possibly be… "You tryna say you like me back? 'Cause I ain't holding it against you for being scared to tell." He held his breath.

Slim squinted at him for a moment. "Uh…" He paused, looked at the floor, and back up at Roman. "No. But you ain't cray, man, or no more cray than me. This one time, I fucked two hoes on top the body of a man I'd just offed, then one of the bitches was grinding on the dead guy, so…" he paused. "I can't talk, see? Like, the dead punk ended up stripped so…" he paused. "I kinda had a foursome with another man. Sure, it was an unaroused dead corpse, and and I ain't accuse of no necrophilia, but it was a man. Shit, I felt dirty afterwards."

Um… "You feel dirty 'cause you fucked some females on top a dead male? Reason being _because_ the corpse was male?" Roman frowned deep. That story did not help the Case of Slim Shady, not at all.

"On fleek, Roman! I mean sure, the alley I knifed the fucker at ain't no sanitary station, but the hoes didn't mind, so why should I, right?"

"Is that a joke?" Roman glared at him. "Do _not_ tell me you be making jokes at this time." He waved the gun slightly, not letting the direction of the barrel stray far from Slim's skull.

"Y'know what dawg, I ain't never been worried for real." Slim raised an eyebrow. "Rap Boy, remember? You never" — he suddenly ducked low and snatched the gun right outta Roman's hand — "had me" — he whirled it in his hand to point it at Roman — "for a second." He yanked off his hoodie with his free hand, letting his yellow cape fall to flow freely from his back. "See, man? Pretty on fleek, huh?" Still holding his gun, he undressed the rest of the way to reveal his Robinesque 'Rap Boy' uniform with the backwards 'E'.

Roman frowned, still too angry to be impressed. "I hate that costume!"

" _Do_ you?" Slim looked down for a moment, then glowered. "Fuck you." He set down the gun on the floor and turned away. "I'll be doing something life changing if you ever need me."

"Where — where you headed?" Roman was surprised, scrabbling for the gun. Oh God, Slim was annoying. He says all that shit and thinks he can just walk off? "You forgetting what I told you? That I loved you?"

"And I told you I ain't no fag. Excuse me bruh, but I'm off to do some good for the world. Maybe kill a few faggots in the process (sorry, bad wording)... but overall, to do some good, maybe stop some kids from ending up like me." Slim started walking away, not even looking back.

"I could KILL you for dissing me that way!" Roman threatened, the fury running all through his body. It wasn't that Slim wasn't into him, he didn't want Slim to fake what he didn't feel — but why did he have to be so rude?!

"We're homies, boarding-school-brothas-in-arms, I would never kill you, and you wouldn't really kill me," Slim snorted, and kept walking.

_BANG._

Roman had purposefully released the trigger. A hollowpoint landed itself squarely into Slim's back and out through the other side. There was a choking gasp. Wavering. Then Slim fell facedown on his front, dead as the blood that drained from him.

"That's what you think," said Roman bitterly, and walked away. Maybe his mother was right that he'd been spending way too much time around Slim Shady.

The End


End file.
